42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday tuesday On Record NEW YORK to emergency employed pool, Early estimates indicate that more than 42 million Americans were killed this past weekend in what is now considered the bloodiest Black Friday shopping event of all time.
First responders reporting from hottest black friday deals shops all across the nation said the record breaking post thanksgiving holiday shopping spree carnage began as early as midnight on Friday, When 13 million shoppers were relatively trampled, Pummeled, Secondhand, Stabbed, Golf hand techinque, Lanced, And brutally beaten to death while trying to engage in early holiday sales events. Police said the bloodbath only escalated around the weekend as hordes of savage holiday shoppers began murdering customers at Wal Mart, Sears, And JCPenney destinations nation's, Leaving piles of dismembered and mutilated corpses in their wake. Level of bloodshed this year was almost beyond ingenuity prior Black Friday perhaps have prepared us for this, Said country wide Guard leader Frank Grass, Talking to reporters before still smoldering remains of a best black friday 2015 ad local Best Buy that was burned to the floor Saturday. Had pace trucks, Police cruiser motorbikes, And guardsmen planted at multiple locations, But it was pointless. The moment, Thousands of yankee shoppers are still unaccounted for, And we expect $2 million in damage was always wrought upon our cities. Stench of death is not bearable, A tearful sod included in. Excruciating. The night time of sales drew to a close, Ambulances could be seen circling the now empty and completely ravaged shopping processes as they wanted signs of life, While clean up crews worked to the rubble, Overturned traveler trucks, And gigantic pools of blood from local Kohl and Macy parking lots. The White House issued new york state run response, Assuring, Mourn the deaths of those 42 million American patrons who disastrously lost their lives this Black Friday. Of the deadly holiday sales event said that while the weekend began as a chance to in on some unbeatable post thanksgiving holiday holiday deals, It quickly risen in marketability into a merciless, No hold barred fight for your death. Some instant we all stopped caring about the black friday sales tv deals and the holiday shopping and were pretty much just out for blood, Urged Dana Marshall, 37, A Target shopper who suffered seven broken ribs and a cracked sternum while fighting two some other clients for a discounted Nikon photographic black friday deals next camera. Remember just sitting up to date about a woman and smacking her head with a DVD player until her face was completely unrecognizable.
I felt something. Almost nothing. Onion continues to publish a running list of the Black Friday dead for the week.
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